“The best slave does not need to be beaten. She beats herself. Not with a leather whip, or with sticks and twigs, not with a blackjack or a billy club, but with a fine whip of her own tongue and the subtle beating of her mind against her mind. For who can hate her half so well as she hates herself? And who can match the finesse of her self abuse? Years of training are required for this.” (Erica Jong “Alcestis on the poetry circuit.”)
How long will you continue to perpetuate the cycle of self-abuse you have been caught in? It no longer matters who taught you that you were something less than you were. Or encouraged you to believe that you should be without imperfections. What matters now is how you continue the painful and erroneous belief that you are not beautiful just the way that you are. What matters is that you finally wake up to the suffering you are creating within yourself. And what matters is that you begin to interrupt the pattern of negative self-talk that has held you back for so long.
I had an exquisite day today. I roamed the city of San Francisco, taking in the scents of eucalyptus and the sight of the sunlight dancing on the water. As I strode I felt alive, invigorated. I experienced myself as a powerful force with a clear vision of what I wanted to manifest in my life. This empowered state stands in stark contrast with the crushing sense of anxiety that had a grip on me just a few short days ago. How can my view about myself and my life change so rapidly and completely in such a brief span of time?
Well the first most obvious reason is that I was outdoors in a heart opening, magnificent setting. The sun was shining, a breeze was lightly tickling my skin, and the aromas that filled my nostrils were heavenly. So can we only hope to feel optimistic inside when our environment conspires to create the perfect day? It certainly helps! But what I know is that my mind-frame expanded, not just because of my surroundings, but because my setting helped me sink into a strong present-moment oriented state. What this means is that you can help yourself initiate a shift in your inner world by engaging in activities that bring you into “the now.” Nature is certainly a good medium for people to do this. But often it isn’t enough. Many of us can walk around in the most breathtaking vistas and stay caught in the neurotic concerns of our minds. Creating a mental shift often requires mindfulness.
One way to encourage this shift is to engage in what I call “conscious sensualism.” I define conscious sensualism as slowing down and allowing your senses to take in all the pleasure and stimuli from your surrounding environment. You can experiment with connect by using some simple sensory focused exercises. For example, you can begin by taking some deep healthy breaths. What scents do you detect? What does it feel like to have your lower abdomen expand as you fill your body with oxygen? Next allow your eyes to absorb and dance with the colors and images in your field. Look closely at the design of a flower, or the light reflecting off of a tree. What is it like to behold the majesty of that creation? Now feel what it is like to be in your skin; to have clothing resting on your arms, to feel the heat of the sun on your face, or the play of wind across your hair. Allow all of your energy to extend out towards your skin, so that your whole being can feel every sensation. What is it like to experience the world as touch? Lastly, open your ears to the sounds around you, allowing them to take in melodies from further and further away. Let the sounds float in and imagine them as a symphony created just for you in this moment. Hear the world orchestra. What does it sound like?
This is a mindfulness exercise that helps you step away from your normal pre-occupations, (with dilemmas or to-do lists) and stand firmly in the present. In the present moment there rarely are problems to be solved, or overwhelming situations. As Goethe says “the present moment is a powerful goddess.” Because it is in the present that we can feel our inner state of contentedness and peace.
From this state of being, you can open up to a new perspective on yourself and your life. You can develop new eyes to examine situations, and face your quandaries with a grounded sense of being. You can experience the power and vitality that comes simply from being alive and engaged in the world. Empowerment is available to all of us. We just need to tap into our natural state and allow it to fill us up. As we do we find that answers, calming words, or solutions organically arise within us. Or we realize that our worries were pointless anyway! Try to slow down in your life today. And experience for yourself the power of consciousness.
I have spent my life listening to women. I have shared in their hopes, dreams, pain, and loss. In their sacred stories a theme emerged; a tragic myth that wove its way into the fabric of their beings and dampened their lives. The belief that they are not lovable. Since that moment of clarity I have witnessed countless women repress their splendor and contort themselves to fit into an ideal of how they “should be”. I have been one of those women. I know firsthand how great the divide can be between who you are and who you think you should be. I have since learned that it is because you push away your true self that you feel alone, and unlovable.
It can be scary to come home to yourself, but only in being who you are can you feel truly loved. Inside of you is a powerful woman aching to break free. She knows your inherent worth, and she holds your unique gifts. Let me draw the map to guide you home. Together we will remember who you really are and bring her out into the light of day.
How Jack Kerouac woke me up today.
Take me or leave me marketing?
How a cup of joe connected me to life